Bliss š
The Valley of Shadows
She started the journey in green, she was trying to mark the place between here and not here. How silly to think she ever could. Green started the Divine Animus, so big and so strong, so much came from Him. And then more green for the Divine Anima of course. She was riding a horse antelope with a ponytail that stuck straight up. That was the first moment she felt it: complete unencumbered bliss. A bliss so pure she began to sob from its eminence. To ever think she had experienced joy before was absurd. Through the tears of bliss, she felt the suffering of the black edges. She heaved as the tears formed and fell, formed and fell. She felt the complete sadness of emptiness wash over her whole body. She let it. That seems to be very important, to allow. Her paint had colour, blackness and water . Anything less than all of it isnāt the same. Purple was next. She saw for the first time, the first time ever, how beautiful it all was. The scales fell from her eyes and she was beholden. Each intricate detail in this purple had so much life. Vitality. How absurd to think she ever could have known things. Anything, when there is so much beauty in that purple. How could anyone want anything other than this moment is absurd.
She vaguely remembers what it was like to be busy, but it seems so silly. The expanse of the purple reminded her of the page in Be Here Now with the butterfly and she felt the skin between the butterfly wings and she was It. She was the space between.
Next came orange. Wow. The beauty. The ecstasy of complete rapture. It was and then in the next second it wasnāt. It became chaos. How silly to question the paradoxes of holy books. They were just trying to explain this and how else can you? In the orange, she started to draw a symbol that looked like a treble cliff. As if any other shape ever existed. Such exquisite splendour.
Then onto red. Suffering. Bliss. All of it. All of it. She painted teeny tiny dots in black and red and as soon as the paintbrush painted the dot, all at once, she was in that dot. She was there, but she was here. The closest she has seen is in the Magic School Bus when they travel between, in through and with it all.
How wonderfully lucky we have been chosen to see like this. She sits back in complete contentment. She could die right here and be complete. Perhaps ācompletely contentā but those arenāt the same things are they? After red, she did pink. How beautiful! Oh the complete depths of it. How could anyone want anything ever? She added more pink up by the Divine Anima. Like dancing Northern Lights, she feels it all. As if every Being that has ever existed has resided within her body. Warmth in her pelvis. Fresh, red blood pours from her and she remembers the Gift. āThank you for hearing me.ā
She comes back to add purple over here. Purple with white and pink. Her whole body feels in vibration. She turns to Him and asks what sound it is that she hears. āThe house,ā he replies. Ah yes, the house, of course. Of course the house speaks. She allows the sound of the house to soften and erupt up into her. Ah yes, there it is. Rapture. She adds more green down below. Thereās a collision between green and red and black. It is full of despair. She cries. She sobs. She wails. She feels grief fill her entire being and then.
Yellow! How could she forget yellow! Heās always telling me to use more of it. She paints beautiful, angelic beings by the exquisite purple and rapturous orange and she thinks how could anyone want anything ever?
She adds red and then black to the yellow and then she sees it. She sees all of it. So much destruction. Sucking the life. He calls it greed. But itās so beautiful. How could anyone ever destroy it? She remembers people in her past tried to possess her. She looks to Him with gentle adoration. How could anyone ever own something so exquisite? Joy again. Blue! How could she forget blue! Deep, deep hues of the beautiful blue. She breathes. Just like that, she feels the entire ocean wash over her and she can feel the tides gently lap against my thighs. The absurdity to think she was ever different from a wave. They are the same. We are the same. The painting finishes below the blue. She looks over to Him. āIām not done,ā she says. He doesnāt move but just says, āokayā with the most beautiful, gentle smile. He is glowing white. The space between them is lit with the salt lamp, an incredible amber hue. She forgets that there is even space between them. She calls His name like a distant bellowing the wind. āI can seeā and all of a sudden, He is behind her, watching everything she does, with adoration. āIām not done yetā, she protests. She wants to capture every inch of this. Again, the knowing smile. Below the blue, she finds the most magnificent creatures. greens and oranges and purples and blacks. Jellyfish, she supposes. So beautiful. āIām ready for moreā.
This is the beginning of an Ego Death journey. If youāre experiencing your own inner death, a quiet and terrifying letting go of all that you have known yourself to be, you arenāt alone.
I am with you as you journey through the rainbow of your Being.