Discovering the Inner Self
Discovering the Inner Self
& cultivating the outer world by embracing Authenticity & Wellness 🌿
Amid the essential structures of our current home lay talismans of myself. Each morning, the round oak table with ornately carved legs is transformed into a speak easy. Three different black coil notebooks of varying sizes each have their turn to become the pensieve. On the freshly dusted mantle is an assortment of wellness items held within a bark pouch, gifted by a member of my team. It contains a jade gua sha, a hand gripper in the shape of brass knuckles to prevent carpal tunnel, toe spacers, a word search and a peony candle with a rose petal revealed within its creamy wax. A floral robe gifted by a dear friend hangs on the back of a chair and I remember fondly her story of this robe. Paints, pencil crayons and the remnants of oil pastels are carefully stacked within a green velvet case.
I am not these items but they are essential to me being myself. It is not in the act of having these talismans itself, otherwise I become mummified versions of myself, with piles of who I think I am hoarded within my walls. It is the practice of these talismans that make me come alive.
Our outer world can support the development of our inner world, and the inner world can inform the outer world in turn. But our inner world should be horse, rather than the cart because the more we know of our inner world, the more we can bring what's inside to our outside. The outer world is meant to support the development of the inner world but should be informed FIRST by the inner world. In opposite - bringing outside things inward - poses the same risk that pulling a couch from the back alley into your living room poses: the potential of parasites.
Oftentimes, we are moving in the opposite direction - wanting our outer world to reflect our inner world without knowing our inner world well. We have to find the map of our inner world to be able to reflect this in our outer world.
This all sounds very theoretical so to bring this into the practical, let's venture into the closet. For me clothing has always been an important expression of my identity but for a long time, my clothes felt more of a costume - they helped me perform who I thought I was.
I wanted to be perceived as a hippie bohemian and my clothes confirmed this - the outer world was influencing my inner world. My inner world remained a mystery so I overcompensated with eccentric clothes - and a lot of them. Retail therapy was a go-to salve for "big feelings" - I was literally reaching outside of myself as I frantically flipped hanger after hanger at Winner's, H&M and Zara - trying to find myself between the racks. I collected talismans of my identity, wanting each item to tell me who I was and ended up with a collection of proverbial fun house mirrors. The clothes I bought to tell me who I was ended up distorting my reflection.
The promise of finding my identity in the sale rack didn't work.
If you want to learn about how to create an authentic closet beyond the binary, this free worksheet will guide you through the process!
The performance of our identity ends up creating imposter syndrome - ripe with a fear of being found out. It's only if we're masked that we become petrified of being unmasked (I have more thoughts on this for neurodiverse folks, which I'll write about soon). We become shackled to the feeling of "not enough" and consequently try to be [and have] more. But the more we're looking for is within, not without.
The talismans I currently have - the gua sha, hand gripper, toe spacers, peony candle, floral robe, paints, pencil crayons - were informed first by my inner world. My inner world felt desire, a call, a magnetic pull towards these talismans that would help me be me and be well. They're more concerned with the maintenance of my inner world, than the performance of my outer world.
Talismans are meant to be symbols of the truth they represent - an effigy of sorts. The effigy is not alive, but represents a deep connection. If we mistake the talisman for the deity they represent, we bypass our own inner strength, trip over the hoards we've collected and end up creating our own funerary mound.
It is easier and often more tangible to have our outer world reflect our inner but it is putting the horse before the cart. We end up reaching far outside of ourselves to know ourselves, instead of doing the hard and brave thing to look within. For me, I was reaching into my closet for the identity I wanted, instead of living the way I knew I wanted.
Being ourselves is a verb, it requires action. We do not become authentic without intention. It is far too easy to be swept up in expectation, obligation of who we were told to be, who we have been perceived to be. Being ourselves requires of us.
To be ourselves, we must first know ourselves. To know ourselves, we must first be aware of ourselves. To know your inner world, we have to listen to your inner world by creating space in your outer world. Very practically - how can you listen to yourself if you don't have space to listen? How can you listen to yourself if your life is too loud to listen? How can you listen to yourself if you aren't alone with yourself to listen? Cultivating space, stillness and silence - even for mere moments - can begin to expand the strength of our inner world.
We begin to hear the reverberations of our inner world when we have the space to hear the sound of ourselves.