There are times when, as we tiptoe and stumble through life, you happen upon a moment you never thought possible.
It's a moment you could not have imagined, when time expands beyond possibility, when all you've endured suddenly feels it belongs to another. When the sun crests on the horizon like it has thousands of times before, when you feel at - at peace. Present. Alive. Happy, truly happy.
The moments you never thought were possible back then. Back then when panic extinguished breath, when inescapable darkness suddenly enshrouds the senses and pulls you into a suffocating hell under your skin. Enduring the prickly existence of being alive was a tantamount feat when you didn't ask to be born.
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To be able to enjoy these moments of hard-earned bliss (that you shouldn't have had to have worked so hard for), you had to learn to tolerate bliss, to put up with relaxation and ease. It seems contradictory to heal by bracing through the good but it's a necessary part of the process.
When relaxation + ease = vulnerability, it wasn't safe for you to be free, certainly not to enjoy. You had to stay alert, to anticipate any change that might become a threat. Stillness, silence and softness were just the calm before the storm and couldn't be trusted.
But look how far you've come.
Whether you had the language for it, you were (and still are) on the path of post-traumatic growth. It is a spiral that guides us closer to ourselves, a journey guided by tenacious intuition and relentless commitment to authenticity.

Enjoying the good in life is essential for your growth. Post-traumatic growth becomes a commitment to yourself, to not abandon or betray yourself. Healing is in choosing yourself in the big and small moments, alike.
These choices create those moments you never thought possible. One choice at a time, you rewrite your story and store these moments like treasures in your heart. You can keep making these choices by:
Prioritizing your reflection. Your relationship with yourself is like any relationship - it requires effort, curiousity and time. Ask yourself questions - sit with the question instead of rushing towards the answer.
Discovering how you want to express. Whether in writing, painting, sculpting, dancing, your inner world needs to be expressed in externally - create a bridge to tell your story in a way that's meaningful to you. Do this often.
Nourishing your body with what feels good for you. Honour your allergies. Let yourself feel full - you deserve to be full. Listen to the limits of your body. Don't underestimate the transformation of meeting your body's needs.
Return to the practices that allowed you to feel hope and awe. Create space for more of those moments you never thought possible.
Find people you love and trust who can understand and help you grow. Ask them for help in the small things so it feels okay to ask for the big things. Be honest about what you're experiencing. Diversify the type of support you need - if someone doesn't have capacity for a deep conversation, what else could suffice? We honour yours and the boundaries of others.
The more we say yes to ourselves, the more life continues to open. The more life begins to reflect your inner most being. The more existence feels welcoming. The more we say yes to ourselves, the more free we are to trust in ease.