The Art of Dying
A poem for transformation [2019]
I am fascinated by my own reflection
Captivated Each time like peering at a strangers pain
never fully seen or been seen
Quizzical curious glances stolen at window panes
Stop stopping with a staccato stare
Because the mirrors that should have detailed my intricate lines were cracked by generations of trampling trauma
Seven years bad luck they say, well I have a few more centuries
Lost In a cathedral full of ancestors I bear the unbearable weight of
Corpses piled like puzzle pieces teetering to fall
Stacks of rotting expectations burrowing maggots of unrequited love
This is where grief lives
I hoard emotion like newspaper clippings
Walls stacked high with ignored feeling simply to survive
Tightening red strings across cork to try to make sense of the patterns of the earth swallowing me whole year after year
why me.
Mediate on the mutilated misgivings to measure the muted misunderstandings of love because I am not you and I cannot meet you there
I will not be possessed by the ghost of your facade Farewell my sweet concubine may your entitlement be crucified for I do not owe an ounce of myself
Because of you my story has never felt my own penned by the reactions of others stuffing secrets of myself into corners behind couches when that was not my shame to keep
Get off get off get off
Get rid of this Chaos to my Kore
My self has become a cycle
A Persephone-esque dying of sequence
Underground underworld depths of hell devour me in pieces again
Again and again, an encore earthquake to miscarry the belief I belong to myself
More and more your demeanour looks like quicksand
Demeter, for my child I need to make a path for fire
For I am the flame that brings forests to their knees
For I conduct lightning through my bones with electricity that was there long before me
Now I am here
Holding power in my breath
I see plants in your eyes
How deeply you are rooted
Now dear one know that Heaven rests between your thighs centuries of delight awaiting release
Now do not be afraid of dying my love you will only return more alive
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