This spooky season, explore the shadowy threshold between who you think you are and who you’re becoming.
The purpose of the ego is to intercede on behalf of our desires (the Id), using our moralistic values (the Superego). We need the ego to filter opportunities and decisions through our values, morals, boundaries, wants, needs, and desires. Oftentimes, when we remark that someone is “egotistical”, we actually mean they are ruled by an unintegrated shadow.
Without any ego at all, we would have no container for the “Middle Path” or for pursuing meaningful education to fulfill our destiny & purpose in life. We need the ego to hold the space between our Both-And: our divinity and our humanity, our inner animal and inner god. Ego Death is not about the annihilation of the ego, but bridging the space between the Id and the Superego, so the distance is not so sparse.
Ego Death is an opportunity to let go of old ways of being, the ways we were conditioned to be and welcome authenticity. The Ego naturally resists the shrinking of the distance between Id and SuperEgo for the same reason we resist dismissal from our company that may be downsizing. The role of the Ego diminishes as we become more authentic, our Id & SuperEgo become allies instead of enemies. While this is a positive move, just like the role of a good therapist is to work themselves out of a job, there is natural resistance to the end. The Ego desperately wants to prove they are useful; instead of taking it as a compliment, they’ve done their job so well, they’ve made themselves unnecessary. The way the Ego resists being “let go” by the psyche is through Ego Defences.
Repression is the Ego’s way of keeping threatening, alarming or disturbing thoughts from becoming conscious. These thoughts can be found in dreams, fantasies, and fears. The Ego’s attempt to protect the psyche from difficult material is protective, but by staving off short-term hurt, the Ego is setting itself up for long-term harm.
Projection is what we despise in others is what we despise in ourselves. It involves the assumption that others hold unacceptable thoughts, feelings and motives that the person themselves is immune to, such as believing others despise you when you truly despise them but feel shame for your hatred.
Sublimation involves satisfying an Id impulse in a socially acceptable way, like playing sports to release aggression.
Our aversion to death and desperate desire for empty platitudes is because of our aversion to the unknown. Death is fully unknown. We are constantly trying to stave the knowledge of our demise. Searches for the fountain of youth, plastic surgery and lack of death planning demonstrate this aversion. Death is part of the cycle of life, it is not separate from it. Or from us.
Our death aversion is because we are existentially afraid of being forgotten. We believe that because something ends, it means we were insignificant. And that’s not true. Our lives are meaningful even though our lives end - perhaps even because our lives end, they are meaningful. With finite time, the moments we share on this plane in this time are especially meaningful. The fear of being forgotten is an inability to hold the Both-And because we are cosmically important (the likelihood of your consciousness existing in this time and space in this way and form is nothing short of a miracle) but also cosmically insignificant (we are but specks of dust in the overall lifespan of the universe herself). We are Both.
To die consciously is to reconcile with our death anxiety, it is to trust in the Unknown. The solace major religions offer is certainty for the Great Unknown - the afterlife. But the truth is, no matter how many myths are told or tales are spun, Death remains a mystery - always out of grasp. For people who have been raised in Cartesian dualism and the rise of rationalism, embracing mystery is a threat to their very existence. For trauma survivors, this uncertainty is triggering because trauma is also change where the status quo is ripped out from under you - change for trauma survivors feels like annihilation.
We have this incredible, rare opportunity to incarnate within the same physical form in the same lifetime. In other epochs in other civilizations, our consciousness would get wiped clean and we would start again in a new form. Ego Death is an invitation to release the ways of conditioning that were internalized before we could consent to these narratives. The Life on the other side of Ego Death is more authentic, more present way of Being but it is Unknown.
We can never imagine what it is like to become an adult when we are a child. We can never imagine becoming a parent before we become a parent. We can never imagine our career until we are in it. We are limited in our imagination by what we’ve experienced. We cannot conceptualize Life after Ego Death but the abyss we perceive is only the unknown of what we haven’t yet experienced - the abyss isn’t inherently bad.
Trusting in the Universe’s gift of life after Ego Death only requires trust in your Self because we are a microcosm of the macrocosm.
Ego Death is not about the outcome, it is about the process. Death asks us to reflect upon our priorities, stripping down to our core values and beliefs. Ego Death is an opportunity to redefine our Selves, to step into a fuller expression of our identity. Notice what aspects of your Self feel threatened with this change, offer yourself compassion. Notice what aspects of your Self you feel drawn to reinvent. Offer yourself a chance to do so.
Addressing change, even good change, is difficult. Ego Death means our status quo is shifting. We have to create a new normal. An exciting and terrifying process. Be gentle with yourself in this process of becoming Alive again, there is no right way to start a new chapter of your life. Be present with yourself every step of the way, listen to your inner Knowing and follow what is right for you. May this new beginning be the start of a new you, of a more authentic reflection of your Self. Trust yourself one next right thing at a time.