Trauma-Informed Self-Care
+ a love letter to myself 💕
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Today, the sun is streaming through the bay window, the light casting through my paintbrushes, making them appear incandescent. The jar of paint water from the night before has become a murky purple - the colour of the sky before the blue twilight. To my left, a stack of books act as a cairn - raised atop each other as a marker of my mind. Leaving my fathers house, the goddess wound, the forbidden self, women’s rituals, crone, the doors of perception, coming home to myself. On the other side are a stack of black, coiled notebooks - each with their own unique purpose, some with lines, some without. Dried rose petals are scattered across the coffee table, beneath the citrine and lapis lazuli crystals and the peony candle we more recently acquired. I have many more nooks and ledges of self-reflection; each item has become a talisman of authenticity, an invitation into myself.
Living nomadically, I’ve learned to become a turtle - to carry my home with me.
We’ve been in the UK for 6 months and have lived in 6 different places - from quaint villages to big cities, cozy flats to roomy cottages. Each location has offered its own set of challenges for self-care. The table wasn’t big enough for tarot. The floor was too lopsided for yoga. It was too noisy to read. And incredible experiences. Walking through the woods to the sea. Basking in the sun overlooking the fields in the conservatory. Laying in front of the fireplace, listening to the voice of Alan Watts croon through my computer.
These changes have unearthed so much uncertainty in me. I’ve been learning and integrating the truth that I can feel discomfort and also still be safe. Being uncomfortable is uncomfortable but it isn’t unsafe. This is a nuance necessary for trauma survivors.
My self-care routine has been a pillar of stability throughout these changes, it’s a practice that has allowed me to stay present, to deepen my self-trust, expand my inner resiliency and create space for softness. These routines aren’t just empty actions or boxes to check off a list. These routines aren’t just washing my face with *influenced products or creating habits to become an effective person. For me, self-care is creating a life I don’t have to escape from. It is expansion. Connection. Reflection. Softness. Beauty. Intention. To live in awe of life.
There’s a lot of narrative about the routines you “need”. Wake up early. Workout. Drink lemon water. Routine becomes a means to an end - to become a more productive, a more effective person. This type of structure ends up creating a shame cycle, because those empty routines of what we’re “told” to do are rarely personally meaningful to us. And change never happens through shame. So instead, we sit scrolling through TikTok to pass the time. That becomes routine. Rushing out the door with barely enough time to spare. That becomes routine.
The actual purpose of routine is to offer our brain-body system safety. And when our body’s feel safe - yes, we are more productive, more effective, more present, more ourselves. But that isn’t the point. People tend to feel better when they’re engaged in routine not because of the routine itself but because of safety.
Routine creates predictability and in that predictability, we can relax. It’s the daily, mundane equivalent of rewatching the same show over and over again because you know what to expect - your body can relax into the storyline. Routines allow your body to know what to expect so you can relax into yourself. My body knows the first fruits of my day are a gift to myself - I sit in the same chair and do the same things day after day. Without rigidity - some days call for different ratios - but my body knows I’ll be there.
It’s the Self equivalent of showing up at the coffee shop you said you’d meet your friend at. You develop trust with your friend by showing up on time, by being open and curious. Our self-relationships are built the same.
Routines are the practice of the theory of trauma-informed care. Trauma-informed care is practiced through routine, consistency and predictability to create safety, connection and belonging. Healing happens through safety, connection and belonging and we get there through routine, consistency and predictability. Through the consistency of routine, we develop self-trust because we know what to expect, we can anticipate what’s to come and we can develop relationship to and with ourselves.
For me, self-care has really become the way I express love to and for myself. The time, space and acceptance I give myself grows this inner connection I’ve cultivated with intention. Self-care is the way I cherish myself, to treat myself the way I would treat others.
As a words of affirmation connoisseur, this is a love letter to myself - an accurate and important act of self-care. I have been with myself through so much, there were so many times I could have abandoned or betrayed myself and I didn’t. That was so brave. And there were other times that I did. I was afraid and that’s okay. I’m allowed to be afraid. I have carried so much for so long, I give myself permission to rest. I was hard for so long, it feels so agonizingly unfamiliar to be soft. I love being soft. I treasure the moments with myself where time stands still, where the eternal moment unfolds around me and I become Whole. I see my reflection through kaleidoscopes of time - I hold so much compassion for all the selves I’ve been before. I am in continuous awe of my ceaseless serrated facets, the parts of my Self I am constantly discovering. It is such a beautiful mystery being your Self.
What do you need to hear from yourself?
I loved reading this. Thank you ♥️