Power dynamics are happening all the time around us, whether we are conscious of them or not.
When power dynamics are being enacted unconsciously, we are often engaging in pattern repetition from our early experiences, transposing past dynamics onto present circumstances. Because these dynamics are happening unconsciously, we can end up prolonging our suffering.
An unconscious power dynamic can emerge when powerlessness gets displaced. You can spend your day in a job where you feel unheard or constrained, or years in a relationship where you have learned to accommodate rather than express yourself.
Then, somewhere else, a seemingly small moment becomes disproportionately important.
Someone doesn’t listen. Someone changes the plan. Someone disappoints you.
The reaction can be about more than what is happening in that moment. It can be an expression of all the powerlessness that hasn’t had anywhere else to go. This doesn’t justify mistreating someone else. Context allows curiosity; context doesn’t nullify impact.
Our bodies are always seeking some kind of equilibrium. When we have spent a long time feeling powerless, there can be an unconscious pull toward experiences where we finally get to feel some sense of control.
Sometimes the person who cannot say no at work becomes rigid elsewhere. Sometimes the person who constantly accommodates others becomes resentful when others don’t accommodate them.
The psyche is trying to restore something.
Where there is a lack, we naturally compensate.
If my left knee is injured, my right knee will compensate for that lack. Where we are powerless in one area of our life, we can compensate by exerting power elsewhere.
But when we are unconscious of what is happening, we can become like a plastic bag being tossed haphazardly about by the wind. It feels like life is happening TO us, not that we are active agents in our life.
Unconscious power dynamics can feel like we are victimized by our life.
The process of coming into consciousness is beginning to notice where power is operating in our lives, where we feel powerless, where we exert control, and where our reactions may be carrying more than the present moment.
The goal isn’t to control the wind.
It is to become rooted enough in ourselves that we can feel it.