How Self-Care Helps

+ a real snapshot of my personal self-care routine

I watch the steam rise from my tea, dancing towards the open window. The pale curtains softly billow as the breeze brings whispers from the world outside. As custom, a blanket wraps around my legs, cocooning one dog resting at my feet while the other rests heavily on my lap. This is the sanctuary where I start each day - it has become the pulpit for my expression.

It's been hard work to become soft. How I start my day externally has been essential to the internal shift.

To give the first fruits of my day to myself represented a radical change from the demands of my to-do list. The fantasy that starting my day with work would make me more productive, that I would get more done, was proved time and time again to be false. Starting my day with work would just pull me from crisis to crisis - I would end up doing less and feel drained and emptied by the end of the day. Starting my day with demands, expectations and obligations made me a shell of myself. 

When I started to have boundaries with myself, my day moved slower. There were actually less crises - or I could at least tell what was actually a crisis. I actually got more done and felt fulfilled at the end of each day. It didn't happen by accident - it required time, energy, effort, curiousity. Our relationship with ourself is just like any other relationship - it requires of us.

It may sound extra - brace yourself - but I spend the first 2 hours of my day doing self-care. It sounds like a lot, I know. But back in my "give a shit" days, I would spend those first two hours of my day combing, pruning and primping in front of the mirror with makeup palettes, curling irons, straighteners, hairspray and cotton buds strewn in front of my reflection. If I was willing to invest that time in my appearance, I should be willing to invest that time in my own well-being. Some days my self-care is sleeping in but I always at minimum gift myself 1 hour at the beginning of my day. If I start my day rushed, the rest of my day is off balance. If I start my day with and for myself, the pace of my day - and my life - reflects me.

The mantra of trauma-informed care is "routine, consistency and predictability bring safety, connection and belonging" so I've tried to integrate that into my everyday with self-care. So what do I do for the first two hours of my day? It's gone through many iterations, especially as we travel, but like any good Capricorn, I have a categorical chart.

My goal is to complete at minimum one activity per category per day - so a total of 5 self-care practices a day. I've bolded my non-negotiables - the things I absolutely cannot go without. I can skip yoga for a day or two but I actually need to journal everyday. In fact, I have four different journals I alternate between.

While I love structure, it's important I'm not rigid with it - if there's something that isn't being done, I first look to my ENVIRONMENT to see how I can support this activity. This way, I pre-emptively interrupt the shame spiral to see if I can adapt my environment to me, not the other way around.

For example, I prefer doing yoga outside, which isn't always possible in the rainy days of the UK. But if I can move the kitchen table to be able to practice in the window so I can feel the sun on my face (at least), then I'm more likely to do the thing I know helps me feel good.

A few practical tips:

• Choose a time frame you can reasonably commit to in the mornings to START your day for you. Your first fruits are for YOU and this sets the tone for the rest of your day.

• Choose a few potential "background" accompaniments for your self-care plan. For example, I listen to audiobooks while I drink my coffee, watch the ballet while I journal and listen to music while I do yoga. Each of these has their own specific playlist or routine so the accompaniment becomes a behavioural cue (an invitation / reminder) for me to care for myself. 

• To choose activities, focus on what you need to be well. I like to focus on 1-3 memories of when I felt truly alive and happy to try to recreate that experience. For me, it's usually journalling or reading in nature so I make sure that's part of my routine. 

I'm curious to hear from you - what is a self-care practice you can't live without? Is there a self-care practice you've been wanting to integrate in your day?