Who are you - really?
& a personal peek into who I am too
Identity deconstruction and development has been a theme in therapy sessions this whole month. We are all collectively figuring out who we are, outside of expectations, obligations, projections and perceptions.
I have been working through this too. Change means change and in the death of who I’ve been before, there is a birth of who I’ve always been supposed to be. To support my own process, I’ve created an album on my phone called, “Who I Am”. In it are photos and memories dating back ten years. Each photo in the album is a breadcrumb leading me back to what is original to me. Here are a few snippets from Who I Am:
What photos would you have in your album?
This change has been gestating for a long time because I’ve had many incarnations within one lifetime. As a Scorpio rising and my north node in Sagitarius (not to mention my ♑️☀️Capricorn sun), I have lived each of these incarnations with the same intensity and fervour. I’ve been a Christian, a feminist, a victim, a survivor, a parentified child, a heretic, a witch, married, divorced, an artist, a writer, an academic, an expert, a student ✝️⚖️❤️🩹⚕️⏳🎨✍️🎓🛋. Within each of these incarnations, I’ve rejected imposed obligation. I’ve learned more about myself than I thought possible. I’ve accepted parts of myself I didn’t even know existed.
Because I’ve been through my own underworld journey (and back again), your darkness doesn’t scare me. I actually love your darkness. I love your human-ness. I learned how to love my own. I like to say I’ve lit lamps all over the underworld so your journey won’t be as dark - it’s still necessary and hard and dim but you aren’t transversing this territory alone.
As an Enneagram 7, I am often characterized as bubbly and outgoing but my Scorpio rising♏️⬆️ , Capricorn sun ♑️☀️and Pisces moon ♓️🌒ensure my dedication to the road less travelled. I’ve devoted 12 years of psychological & esoteric study to understand my own context and learn the process of healing (a very Capricorn ♑️ thing to do). Through my own journey, I’ve invested over a decade in intensive trauma therapy, sat in church pews and fire tunnels, in silent meditations filled with incense, studied trauma in my Masters of Counselling graduate degree, receiving & integrating these nuggets of healing as they brought me closer to myself.
Influenced by the likes of Harriet the Spy, I am a relentless discoverer - obsessed with threading patterns together🧵, sewing themes & complexes with common threads to see the fullest picture (the quilt of your life to really bring this metaphor home). I’ve seen the immense transformation on the other side of ego death, the life after death is an inner life that’s more expansive and full than you could imagine. And all of this is possible when we release what was never yours to begin with and what no longer serves you. We create space for who you actually are.
“This is the beginning of a road whose end is totally unknown and totally known.” - Marion Woodman
I see myself as an explorer of the subconscious, I’ve learned to sit with questions instead of rush towards answers. I’ve learned the gifts of uncertainty, the delicious trust that comes from wading (and waiting) in the beautiful unknown abyss. I’ve integrated maps 🗺 of healing from academia, from esoteric traditions, from my own journey and we get to find your map together. Together, we tread the tightrope of nuance to explore the depths & breadth of your psyche through the lens of reality (bless reality for all its gifts of seeing with clarity).
What is my unique Capricorn♑️ ability, seeing so clearly the potential in every human, is my medicine as a healing guide. I dispel shame with the visceral transmission of unconditional love and acceptance, welcoming all parts of you with complete non-judgement. I have the unique ability to share divine love, to see you in the way you were meant to be seen - so you can start to see yourself not through the distortions of shame but in an authentic reflection of your essence.
Instead of the “sink or swim” dichotomy I was raised with, I’ve learned to float with trust in the sea of life, to be with the unknown and the uncertain from a pillar of self-trust.
Questions to consider as you do explore who you are (and who you aren’t):
What 3 adjectives would you use to describe yourself to someone who had never met you? Think of how you introduce yourself when you’re on vacation - there’s no preconceived notions of who or how you are. You get to decide how you introduce yourself.
What do you like to do on vacation or days off? Are you an excursion person, always up for adventure? Or do you prefer curling up with a book in soft candlelight? How do you know what you like to do? How does your body say YES - this is for me.
What can you not live without? For me, it’s creativity (whether witnessing, receiving or expressing), for you, it might be baths. Or coffee. Or dogs. Or water.
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Would you be willing to share what "imposed obligations" you have rejected?