Yes absolutely! It started with holidays where I rejected the obligation of expensive gift giving (I love the thoughtfulness of gift giving but not the capitalist frenzy) so I started writing elaborate cards instead - it was a way of honouring my values within the imposed obligation. This also translated throughout my life in choosing to celebrate with whom I wanted to for holidays and how I wanted to celebrate - that sometimes meant awkward conversations about not participating with my in-laws when I was married. Those awkward conversations created space for me to make the most authentic choices for me. This helped me learn that the most authentic choices are often the most difficult ones and that the most difficult choices were the most rewarding.
Another prominent obligation is the expectation of gendered performance - again, I wanted to connect to my personal values of what I wanted, not repeating what was expected of me. This actually started with Lent where I gave up one "piece" of makeup at a time to see what was an actual authentic choice for me - not just unconscious repetition of expectation. With each piece of makeup I gave up, I became accustomed to my face not "done up" but as my face actually is. And I liked it. So I haven't worn makeup regularly since then - now, I can really tell when it's authentic choice to wear makeup because it isn't from an anxiety or uncertainty.
These are just the top two that come to mind - there's many more!
Would you be willing to share what "imposed obligations" you have rejected?
Yes absolutely! It started with holidays where I rejected the obligation of expensive gift giving (I love the thoughtfulness of gift giving but not the capitalist frenzy) so I started writing elaborate cards instead - it was a way of honouring my values within the imposed obligation. This also translated throughout my life in choosing to celebrate with whom I wanted to for holidays and how I wanted to celebrate - that sometimes meant awkward conversations about not participating with my in-laws when I was married. Those awkward conversations created space for me to make the most authentic choices for me. This helped me learn that the most authentic choices are often the most difficult ones and that the most difficult choices were the most rewarding.
Another prominent obligation is the expectation of gendered performance - again, I wanted to connect to my personal values of what I wanted, not repeating what was expected of me. This actually started with Lent where I gave up one "piece" of makeup at a time to see what was an actual authentic choice for me - not just unconscious repetition of expectation. With each piece of makeup I gave up, I became accustomed to my face not "done up" but as my face actually is. And I liked it. So I haven't worn makeup regularly since then - now, I can really tell when it's authentic choice to wear makeup because it isn't from an anxiety or uncertainty.
These are just the top two that come to mind - there's many more!